Alterjack, or AUjack, or AUJ, or Alternate Applejack, or in her home universe, just Applejack, was a late addition to the series who came into the main Princess Applejack world after Sunset Shimmer's experiments with her portal mingled with leftover chaos from Fluttershy and Discord's battle. Lost and adrift, she immediately made her way to Canterlot to seek out that universe's version of her. And tear her world a new one for everything it's got wrong with it.
She's tough as nails, she's pragmatic and direct to a dangerous degree, and she's not standing for any imperfections. She's a Princess, and she's the only goddamn one of them who knows that a princess has to do actual political stuff, in this universe or any other.
Story[]
Thread 175[]
After chastising Celestia for her non-existent relationship with the dragons, Alterjack reveals to Celestia that, in her world, she basically controls the new Dragon Lord due to black-mail:
"The Dragon Lord called for a gauntlet to pass on the bloodstone scepter [and Ah] picked the wimpiest, biggest loser of the bunch, convinced them they could be ruler, and then subtly helped them to win the throne. Beat out every other dragon with a bit of 'assistance' and now the dragon who rules it is indebted to us, knowing full well Ah' can reveal who really helped them win at any time, and they'd be torn apart. They place nice, they win a nation. They go against us? Well, you, know."
Thread 257[]
[1] She confronts Celestia, asking why she hasn't done anything all week. When Celestia states she's been doing "self-care," AUJ rhetorically asks: "Isn’t that what stupid rich mares say to make themselves feel better after being complete wastes of time?" As Celestia points out that she is rich, AUJ cuts her off and tells her to do something now or " Ah’ will shoot you with mah’ horn". So, Celestia starts pouring a glass of alcohol. When AUJ says she didn't mean "drink," Celestia states (not in so little words) that she shouldn't have left such a huge loop hole in her words, then. AUJ has no response and Celestia continues by saying she taught her a lesson, which is doing something. She still gets zapped, which prompts her to call AUJ out. Unfortunately, since she didn't get it in writing, AUJ doesn't feel the need to uphold her part and continues zapping Celestia into action.
[2] Alterjack has a question for Celestia. Celestia gets upset at the mare for interrupting her "Celly bathtime" and threatens to shoot everyone in the castle if she doesn't leave. She also threatens her with a rubber ducky. Not even commenting on any of that, Alterjack asks how evil someone has to be to get thrown in to Tartarus. Celestia relents and tells her that the prisoner must be "suitably difficult to contain or dangerous to hold in a regular cell" and have caused " permanent bodily or magical harm to another". Until they prove themselves redeemed, they'll remain in Tartarus. Alterjack sees the logic in this and asks who's in there. "A great demon named Tirek, who must never be released!" Alterjack asks who else since one guy bing locked there seems a bit much. Celestia reveals that a Bugbear, Manticore, and other dangerous magical creatures are there as well. AUJ points out that they're just animals, but Celestia argues they're dangerous. "Ya’ll just needed a reason to justify havin’ that big area, don’t you?" Celestia reluctantly admits to that, saying the taxpayers would think it's silly if Tarturus only had one prisoner. AUJ fires back, calling her out on their deadliest prison being "a friggen zoo and IT’S ALL YER’ FAULT!" Celestia commands her rubber ducky to "BRING THE PAIN!" and explosions happen in the distant. She claims she herself didn't do that "but consider it a preface to the actual pain I will bring upon you!" AUJ asks if she's going to question the explosion, but gets cut off when Celestia calls on the ducky again, prompting closer explosions to be heard.
[3] Miles Delight starts out by asking how old Alterjack is. She says her and Applejack are the same age, but he fields a ballpark estimate of "Late 20's? Early 30's?". She asks if he's deaf, but he points out that he doesn't know how old Applejack is. When she asks him why he NEEDS to know this, he basically says he's just making conversation since she's "holding [him] hostage" and it might make future interactions easier. AUJ points out that she's just making sure he did his paperwork right before segwaying into how "annoyin' your 'captor' isn't gonna make things easier" for him. Before she can finish that thought, though, the memory of Rarity annoying her Diamond Dog kidnappers into letting her go resurfaces, leading to her trailing off in silence. Moving past that, she tells him to be quiet and stop distracting her or else the double-check will last longer. When he states that she seems pretty good at multi-tasking, she adds another stack of papers to his workload and tells him to be quiet. Moving on, she muses about how she hasn't seen many major mistakes with his work yet. "Means less work Ah have to make you redo." "Well, I wouldn't want to inconvenience Your Grace with that." And with a loud *Thud* another stack is added to his workload. But, despite a short silence, he's not done yet. "Oh!" AUJ sighs deeply. "It's the glasses." Seeing her confusion, he continues by saying they make her look older. She adds another stack. "You make it work, though. For someone in your 20's." And another. "Are they just a fashion statement?" Then another. She decides to play along and tells him, no, she actually needs them because she strained her eyes "readin' and workin' all the paperwork no one bothered doin' back home". He starts to point out that alicorns have super regeneration, but she cuts him off, saying it has its limits. That's when a thought crosses his mind: "You should stop wearing them." "...I should stop wearing my glasses? The things I need to WORK?" His reasoning is that they're keeping her eyesight poor because her eyes adjusted to them, which messes with her regeneration. "If you take them off, won't your vision eventually heal?" She tells him that's not how it works, but when he asks if she's sure, she just repeats that that's not how it works. "I'm... not hearing a no-" In response, she loudly adds several more stacks to his workload and asks: "Did ya hear that? Did ya?!"
[4] She asks Celestia to give her one good reason why it's a good idea to keep the Tartarus prisoners in "tiny cages". Celestia can't and says that she's ashamed of herself. AUJ says she should be since "executing them is way easier-" but that thought earns her a hard "NOPE" from Celestia
Thread 261[]
- Delight sarcastically states he's glad to be doing more paperwork, but points out it's just tedious when Alterjack implies it's too difficult for him. AUJ soon finds that he drew something on the back of his paperwork: a picture of her. With a large ass. She's a little peeved by this.
- Later, Alterjack asks Applejack if she's still mad about her not mentioning Shining Armor when nobody was talking about him. In response, AJ tosses AUJ out of her office. Channeling her inner Fred Flintstone, AUJ demands to be let in.
- Having gone to take a break and grab some coffee, Delight comes back and asks Alterjack what she's doing outside of Applejack's office. Refusing to tell him why she was kicked out, she starts shoving stacks of paperwork in his face to shut him up.
- And with that, the two of them have to work outside Applejack’s office. When Delight asks Alterjack if her not having to triple-check his work anymore is good, she dodges giving a straight answer and vaguely says things are more efficient now. He offers to ask AJ if she’ll let them back in, but she and AUJ get into a shouting match and the two of them are left outside.
- Some time later, Delight asks Alterjack whether all the work she’s giving him is payback for how he acted towards the griffon royals. AUJ calls it out as a stupid question since he knows that’s not why. Plus, she doesn’t care how he acted towards the griffons, which isn’t to say he didn’t act stupidly because she says it wasn’t his place to do that. When he asks what she’d do with them, her answer is vague, but menacing.
- Eventually, Applejack calls out to Alterjack, who she still refuses to let into her office, with a question. After AUJ makes an off-hand comment about Celestia’s “semi-immortality”, AJ asks her if it’s alright to use a foreign agent to gather information on potential allies. AUJ asks if he could be traced back to her if caught or caught easily, and after being told that doing either would be very difficult, she declares that it’s fine. This doesn’t help AJ feel better about her decision.
- Hearing all of this, Delight tries to ask a question, but Alterjack chastises him for listening in on classified information. Information, as he points out, that she loudly discussed from outside in the hallway. She then chastises him for giving away his princess's (her) location. He tries to protest this claim.
- Craving some coffee, Alterjack wants to be let back into the office so she can get her packets. When Applejack tells her that coffee is seriously banned, her demands become more desperate. Like, death threats desperate, which turns into pleading for her “babies” (coffee packets). AJ eventually slides them under the door. This is followed by AUJ questioning why the stuff is banned in the first place. When AJ simply says that the reason is "Chrysalis" AUJ has no further questions.
- Following that, Alterjack asks Celestia to use Starswirl’s “go back in time” spell to make coffee legal again and grow her more coffee before the “drug” wears off.
- Having seen her desperate behavior, Delight points out how coffee’s bad for Alterjack, which reminds her of the fact that he had some a while ago. He denies that claim and runs away, with her giving chase.
- The chase soon leads her to Lieutenant Vermillion's office. Inside, Vermillion asks why Delight is in her office, prompting him to respond as though he’s woken up from a dream. He tells her he had a nightmare about an extremely attractive mare that looks like Applejack, but was strict and forced him to do a bunch of paperwork. For a moment, he’s glad that mare can’t reach him in the real world, but Alterjack appears and tries to capture him. In her attempts, her conjured vines end up breaking some of Vermillion’s things, which enrages her and prompts her to kick them both out.
- She continues to chase Delight through Canterlot Castle, demanding that he tell her who’s supplying him with coffee. Evading her vines, he tells her there’s no "supplier", but she doesn’t believe him. At one point, he manages to sneak behind her and steal her coffee packets, which he uses to bait her to chase him harder, faster than her own vines move. Their chase eventually leads them to a small barrack and as AUJ catches up to him she gets stuck in its doorway, just as planned by Delight. Howver, she just teleports to him, but he stays her hoof by saying he’ll make her some of his coffee. After watching the process with bated breath, she drinks it eagerly. Even when he reveals that it’s made of Dandelion roots, meaning that it’s actually a 100% legal coffee substitute known as Dandelion Coffeee, which is also known as Dandelion Tea. It still makes you pee alot, though.
- Having taken a potty break, Alterjack returns to the barrack and says the drink’s taste is on point, but the kick isn’t strong enough. So she asks Delight to add something to the drink to give her a stronger buzz, a buzz he points out as being caffeine making her jittery. She doesn’t care and, under threat of getting more work, he adds some carbonated juice to it. That seems to appease her enough and he asks why she fakes her accent. Prompting her to tell him to let her finish her drink in peace iffin’ he knows what’s good for ‘im.
- Still, Alterjack is disappointed in the “kick” to her drink and suddenly falls asleep from caffeine deprivation. Delight’s relieved by this until he realizes that Applejack is behind him. He tries to plead his case about how he didn’t drug AUJ or have any intention of doing “things” to her, but AJ just carries AUJ away in silence.
- Applejack, still carrying the sleeping Alterjack on her back, returns to her office to find a cupcake sitting on her desk. She approaches it with suspicion, noting the candle in the shape of a 5 embedded in it. Eventually, she takes a chance and blows the candle out before taking a bite. “Happy Five to you too, whatever that means.”
- While Applejack and Delight discuss the revoking of his probation and a mission to Harmony City, Alterjack soundly sleeps nearby.
Gallery[]
